I was 23 years old and experiencing my first existential crisis. A naively executed trip to Peru complete with plant-medicine, culture shock theft and more had triggered every fear I had and landed me in a state of considerable instability.
I’d been walking around for several months in a state of self-absorbed terror. My feet hurt so bad I couldn’t stand for more than 5 minutes. My mind was a loop of mental anguish, questioning the meaning of every moment. The worse part, I felt I couldn’t tell anyone what was going on. I blamed myself for the state I was in, feeling no one could understand.
I went to visit a family friend – a Zero Balancer and acupuncturist. He gave me a hug, asked me how I was doing and looked at me like he wanted a real answer. My attempt to hold it together splintered instantly, as I said “OK” I burst into tears!
“Hmmmmm” he said. “How about I give you a treatment?” I’d never received Zero Balancing before and didn’t know what to expect. My friend said “let your mind relax.” I tried to, but was in such a state of mental over-activity it was hard. However the feeling of his hands holding my bones in such an attentive way began to bypass my mind and speak directly to my body wisdom. I began to feel the delicious sensation of relaxing.
Mid-session, my friend lifted up my whole rib cage gently from underneath “Gather up any fear or self-blame you have been holding, let it drop into my hands” He guided. This wasn’t a directive to my mind (she was no longer steering) but to my body-wisdom. I felt a wave of sensation release as feelings I didn’t realise I was holding dropped away in an instant.
My session over, I stood and walked with a difference. Something deep and dramatic had shifted. I felt columns of energy from my feet flowing down into the earth. I felt a sense of solid self, an understanding of life’s purpose without the mental loops of constant questioning. For a few hours I was absolutely ok.
But I wasn’t ‘fixed’. Like so many things in life, the moment of miracle is only the beginning. It’s a moment of experiencing a different state of being than we had access to before. And then comes the choice to do the work to learn to ‘live’ there.
I have spent more time than I’d like to admit, searching for some external salvation for my challenges. The healer, the guru, the lover, the medicine that will finally bring me that lasting change I need. Until finally, I get it, I really get it. All of these external influences can help for sure, they can provide that miracle moment, the break in our unconscious patterns raising our vibration enough to experience something previously out of reach. Then we need to, in each moment, use our attention to turn this into the fundamental structure of our being. Moment by moment we build ourselves a pathway to that new state of being, and embody the miracle.